Day 53 – Confession…

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Okay, I blew it. I ate yesterday. Not just ate, I binged. Obviously I still have emotional work to do.

We grew a huge squash and so I wanted to put it up. I got all the seeds out, reserved a few for growing next year and roasted the rest… and ate them all while they were still warm – about a whole cup! But I can live with that.

When I put up pumpkin or squash like this I like to use 3-cup portions – just right for making pies or soups. I ran out of quart freezer bags and had to go to the store about 9:30.

While there I do not know what possessed me, but it was like a possession. I bought a small box of boneless chicken wings. When I got home, I nuked them in the microwave and then added hot wings sauce on one side and ranch dressing on the other.

Thing is, I didn’t even enjoy it. It tasted mealy and wrong. Why didn’t I stop after a few bites? I didn’t like it – why did I continue to eat it until it was gone? Why in the hell did I buy it in the first place?

Afterward, it sat like a blob of guilt and shame in my stomach. Part of me wanted to try to make myself throw up to get rid of it, but that is just gross. Yet oh, I didn’t want it in there!

I need to spend some quiet time with myself today to try and figure out what happened last night… when I figure it out, I’ll share it.

 

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